Oct 4th 2013. The day that broke my heart and tested my strength…

It’s been a crazy month to say the least. Oct 3rd, I was happy…playing and goofing around with my sister while she pushed me around at mach speeds around the hospice in our wheelchairs. At 130am that night, my cell phone rang, however I didn’t get to it in time. Right after that, Heaths rang, and as he sprung out of bed, I jumped up with him. I could hear crying on the other end but wasn’t sure what was going on. All I remember at that point was him saying “Nicci, we gotta go. Your sister just died.” I don’t know what was running through my head but I know that I screamed like I’ve never screamed before. I pushed Heath out of my way, got dressed as quick as I could and headed to the truck. I remember crying and crying and crying…just begging Heath to get there quicker. I think he thought I was freaking out about my sister, when in reality I was more concerned with my Mom being there alone. My sister had just died in her arms, I knew there was nothing I could do to help Cin, but I had to get there for my Mom.

The look on my Moms face was heartbreaking. I suppose any Mother that just lost a child would be crushed. I know if Michael died in my arms I’d be having a mental breakdown fairly quickly. I’m really glad Heath was with me at the hospice to be with my Mom. He just hugged her and did everything he could to comfort her. Heaths a great guy like that. He knew that my Mom and I were in pieces, and had he not been with me, theres no way I could have taken it even a fraction of as well as I did.

I’d say the next hardest part was notifying everyone. Of course we weren’t going to let my Mom drive, so Heath and I took my Mom to go find everyone since no one was answering their phones.

Our first stop with my brother J. We rang the door bell and knocked for several minutes before we finally woke him up. Considering it was about 230am at this point, when he opened the door and saw my Mom, Heath and I, he knew it was bad. I’d say out of everyone, he took it best. I think he was more in shock than anything. We didn’t do a lot of talking. There was a lot of silence. I think at that point we were all just soo  heartbroken we were falling to pieces on the inside but trying to stay strong because we had a lot of family to notify. When we left J’s house I made sure to hug him and tell him I loved him. I dunno if I’ve ever done that, but I’m sure going to make it a new point to remember…that tomorrows never guaranteed and those that I love and care about need to know that.

2nd, was Cins daughter Jess. This by far was the hardest one. When we all walked in and she saw us she knew something was wrong. When my Mom asked her to sit down, she immediately started panicking.  As my Mom told her what happened, Jess collapsed on the floor screaming and crying asking us “Why are you lying?!? I JUST saw her!” The look in that childs eyes…I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget.

3rd, Rick. Jess was with us at this point. Honestly, I’m not sure what to think of his reaction. He broke down crying on his stairs but it felt more like it was for show than actual emotion. Considering he’d been screwing my sisters best friend, I may be more critical of him, but seriously…if your wife is dying, can you REALLY not WAIT til she’s dead before cheating on her? For my sister to be crying about feeling abandoned the last days of her life, I’ll never forgive him. And up until this point, I actually liked him.

There’s soo much more I wish I could have talked to her about…but my heart tells me everything we needed to say to each other…we did the last night I saw her…and for that I’m soo grateful.


In loving memory of my sister:
Cindy Rose Phillips
7/1/71 – 10/4/2013