I wrote this 9 months ago but never published it. I’m trying to be more honest with the situation at hand so I felt it was time to make my blog public.
Those of you that know my husband…I ask for him to be left alone. There’s 2 sides to every story.
This last year has been the hardest, most painful and heartbreaking year of my life thus far (with the exception of my Dads death.)
I walked into this marriage thinking that if I just help him…help him realize what’s happening, maybe he will change. Nope. Not how it works. Had we found out that he was bi-polar, and the drastic change it would make to him…to US…before we got married, i hate to admit this, even to myself, but i may have thought harder and gotten things to settle down before i promised my life, let alone my sons life, to him.
When youve been married before and know how big and painful the “D” word is, you never want to hear it again. Never, ever, ever again. Its the most excruciating pain that you could ever experience. Its such a devistating blow to your life that the mere thought scares you so badly you want to run and hide if you even hear it. Now, dont get me wrong, I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE. I’m just stating that having issues that if handled wrong can lead twords a bad situation are known BEFOREHAND, you really should try and think of the kids involved first. Its imparitive that you go into marriage with a solid foundation. Thankfully, my hubby and I were friends beforehand. Had that friendship not been there…I really don’t think we would have gotten as far as we have. A solid friendship and foundation make a big difference…but when he’s manic his rages turn vindictive, so he will say or do (no, not physically hurt me) anything he knows hurts me the most. His manic side has no limits…no rationality. It’s just..brutal.
I have seen a lot of my friends that are bipolar overcome amazing things. For my husband…all I can do is support and love him. Above and beyond everything else…I just need to be his friend, try and listen and show him regardless of anything else…I’m gonna be there, just as our vows said I would be.
But damn…does it ever get better?