It’s been awhile….again…

Where to start. Ugh…

I’m currently in the hospital where I’ve been for several days now. Looks like I have Meningitis again.  Oh joy.

To top it off…my hubby’s acting weird again, not in a bipolar way I think…but I’m not sure of anything right now. 

He says he hates hospitals and that’s why he’s never spent more than a few minutes here. So he hates hospitals…that I get…but in a private room just him, Michael and I…he can’t tough it out long enough to see me? I just don’t get. I’d do anything to see him. Anything. Throughout his bipolar manic rages…through all the bad things he’s done…I’d still do anything at all to see him.

I remember the days when he’d be just…mean…yet I stuck through it. I hated being screamed at…called horrible names…all in front of my Son which scared me even more…and now when I’m scared and need him he’s MIA….?  I just feel soo alone. 

The other day…when he brought Michael to see me…I hadn’t eaten all day and the kitchen was closed. Since all they have here is graham crackers…I asked if he’d go down a block or 2 from the hospital to get me something. He got mad and said that no…he wasn’t going to go anywhere. I asked if I met him downstairs so he didn’t have to come all the way back up…and then he got REALLY mad and told me to quit asking because he wasn’t going anywhere for me. That night I had a couple graham crackers…gave up and went to bed hungry.

Even just typing this…I still don’t understand. Does my husband hate me?

In his defense…when I asked him to get me something to eat (I came in late and cafeteria was closed) and he got mad and left…he saw a Starbucks downstairs and brought me a couple pastries. I was feelimg sick…so I needed real food…not sugary sweets.

I feel like him and I are backsliding. I have no idea what to do.